Sunday, January 13, 2013

{{It's not much of a life you're living, It's just not something you take, it's given}}

Oh. Whoa. Whoa. Been a little too long since I sat down and got my thoughts out in black and white. So, 2013 where the hell did you come from? I feel like 2012 was a blur.

So, here we are. January 2013. Another opportunity to start "over" for the year. Man, do I ever need to start over with some aspects of my life. So, I started with my eating habits. I am attempting some form of "clean" eating which for me basically meant, out with the pasta and in with the fruit and vegetables. I also decided for the month of January to give up Caffeine, Alcohol, Dining Out, and Sweets. The first 7 days without coffee was MISERABLE. I was in a aweful, terrible, horrible NO GOOD mood. I wasn't sure C would survive my mood swings. But, ALAS, we made it. And other than 1/2 of Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry beer, I've done pretty good so far with the rest of the list. I have even managed to track my food every day since 1/2  and thus far am down 2.1 lbs. Doesn't seem like a whole lot but I have never actually TRIED to lose weight. The first time in 2007 was sort of a fluke. I started working out for the first time ever and voila, lost 20lbs. All the other times had to do with 'running' season. So, this is a new challenge for me.  In addition to the better eating, I re-started my 10K program and have successfully completed 2 weeks. In between, I've added some pinterest and on demand workouts. I am feeling a heck-of-a lot better though I know I still have a long road ahead of me. 

Work is going well. Hard to believe it is creeping up on a year already. I received early approval to start working at home on FRIDAYS. So unexpected and so looking forward to it. Savings in numbers:

Miles Per Month:  376-ish
$$$ in Tolls Per Month: $10.00
$$$ in Gas Per Month: $35-ish
Hours Per Day:  2.5-3 depending on season and constructions  

And so, I've recently realized that holycrap have I been through some change? I know, how could I not realize that before? I didn't have time to realize it. I was too busy trying to adjust to my new job, my new commute, and my new surroundings. Now, that I'm adjusted to those 3 things, it leaves me available to focus on everything else. Please let me re-phrase that. It leaves me available to overanalyze and freak out about everything else.  Some of the points are founded but the majority of the others are irrational, I'll admit {{always after the fact, of course}} Let me tell you, it is REALLY difficult to be out of your element. Everything about this relocation has been out of my element. So many factors came into play over the last year that I never took the time to consider: Proximity from my friends, my foundation, the time commuting would take, the effort it takes to find a doctor and/or dentist with new insurance, the lack of a place to run outside, and the inability to m eet new people due to lack of exposure to others both at my job and in the town that I live in. Add all that up and top it off with a boyfriend who is away as much as mine is. You guessed it, recipe for absolute emotional chaos.  Truly, something that drives home how much he truly loves me is that he's seen me through every single breakdown and hasn't left me. Honestly, I would have left me. I would have lost my patience a helluva long time ago.  

I can never fully articulate how difficult it is to go from being a) married, which meant I had a built-in person to hang out with all of the time b) having a foundation of 'married' couples to socialize with and  c) being in the same 'space' for so many years to a) Divorced. GASP! to DATING {I really hate the word dating. And over time I've come to realize that 'husband' sounds so much better than 'boyfriend'} a person who doesn't have a M-F job which means I no longer have a built-in person to hang out with b) smaller foundation of  married friends who are raising a family and 'single' friends who aren't overly close geographically and c) being in a different 'space' for a short amount of time.  Don't get me wrong, I know all these things take an adequate amount of time. And please, don't you dare feed me the " you're still young, you have plenty of time ahead of you" I know all of these things. But, if you know me. You know I'm not good at "time" So, I am trying to make 2013 about taking the time. Because, while yes, I'm 'dating', he makes me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. {When I'm not ruminating on the 105 reasons I think it won't work instead of focusing on the 1 reason it will} While, the majority of my friends are spaced out, I have some people in my life that make it a point to reach out to me every day, so much so, that sometimes it doesn't even feel like they live miles and miles away. While I am in a new space, I'm in love with our little house and I'm really enjoying my 'city' job. I just need to do a better job with  Living in the Moment. Staying Present.