Thursday, March 7, 2013

{{You're trying not to stop until you get where you're going}}

I spend so much time at work and on my Iphone that I rarely get the urge to dig out my laptop at home. Even now I think there's so many other things I could be doing than sitting in front of a screen but I have already done dishes, made mini pumpkin muffins {{Spice Cake Mix, can of pure pumpkin, 2/3 cup of water, 1/8 give or take of mini chocolate chips baked for about 13 minutes at 350= pretty darn delicious and not THAT terrible for you. It's a weight watchers recipe afterall. I made mine in a mini pan versus the full size and the recipe says 1 full size is worth 2 points so mine must be.... whoa....I digress}} and started a grocery list.

FIRST let me start by saying I am OBSESSED with the new song by Tim McGraw feat Taylor Swift {and Keith Urban?}  Seriously, go look it up and listen to it. I've had it on repeat for at least the last 1/2 hour. That's how I do songs I love. I wear them right out.
Sure hits home when the one you love is an Asphalt Cowboy

Where were we? OH! Here I am! ONE YEAR LATER. So much can happen over the course of the year. Cliche? Maybe. So true though.

One Year Later
 I know three to four different routes to and from work
 I know where I'm parked in the garage
I've run along the Charles River
I've eaten a delicous dinner in the North End
I've had a cannoli
I've gotten on a very crowded subway
I've seen them light the tree in the Common
I've seen the holiday lights
I've seen the PRU change the color of their lights
I've walked around Back Bay without getting lost

HolidayTree in the Common
First Run around the Charles
Represented the Grand Opening of Microsoft
Beautiful City

These may seem silly to you, but for me, they're huge accomplishments. Granted, I have a ways to go especially style wise. {{If ONLY I had unlimited funds to buy all the things pinned to my style board on Pinterest}}But I'm getting there. I feel less and less like an outsider and more and more like I belong.

I cannot remember exactly when it happened but I do remember there was a moment at work when I exhaled, looked around the office and thought, 'I finally made it. I no longer feel like the new girl anymore'. ohmygawd.didthatfeelamazing! I am undoubtedly blessed to have walked into an office of people that feel more like family than co-workers. That is highly improbable in most small offices that are predominantly female. I've formed some wonderful friendships. After a stellar review, I'm hopeful that this 'job' will become a successful 'career'

AND THEN there was this day I no longer cried when he left the yard. I should have recorded that on the calendar because I was certain that day would never come.  Now, that's not to say that I don't still miss him terribly when he's gone, because I do. So damn much. I have certainly done my fair share of weeble wobbling along the lines of, "is this the situation I want to be in for the rest of my life?" But, it always comes back to that indescrible feeling that overtakes me when I see him. I know without a doubt that I'm in this for better or for worse.  We have established previously that I'm a runner when things get tough. It is certainly not an attribute I'm proud, but over the years I've built up a pretty good " leave before left" defense mechinism. I couldn't walk away from this even if I tried.  I try to remind myself that our time apart could be a lot worse.{{January and February had him home 14 days a month. March isn't shaping up to be so hot currently but it IS the beginning of busy season}} He could be in the military. {{I know in my heart of hearts, I couldn't be a military wife. Kudos to all of you that are. You're amazing}} He could be a merchant marine. {{Hmm, they get longer stretches home though, don't they? And it's pretty scheduled? Maybe that wouldn't be soooo bad. No, never mind. I can barely last 7 days, let alone 21 or *gasp* months. I'm certain my record has been 9 days. I wasn't fairing too well by the end of that stretch} He could be in any of those various professions that take men away from their families. I should feel so lucky to have someone in my life that I WANT to spend THAT much time with. It is a situation that's getting 'easier' to adjust to. It doesn't feel like he's abandoning me when he leaves. It doesn't feel like he might never come back. It doesn't feel like I'm utterly and completely alone anymore.

I attribute this new found 'settled' feeling to my ability to adapt. Eventually. I've adapted to my schedule. I've adapted to phone conversations and day long text messages instead of seeing people in person as often as I used to. AND I made a friend in NH. Yes, a GIRL FRIEND. Funny story about that....I was perusing Craigslist one night looking for an effortless second job because I thought it'd be the only way to meet someone in this area. {{Yes, you can call that temporary insanity  because while I would make it work if I HAD to, there's really no way in hell I'd want to add a second job on top of my fully time job and part time commute}} Needless to say, nothing caught my attention so I started poking around the different sections of CL. I stumbled onto the "platonic" section and thought " do people REALLY post on here". Well yes, yes they do, incase you're wondering. So I clicked on the first ad that caught my attention roughly titled "In Need of GFs". I thought to myself, god damn, I'm in need of a real life person that lives in this state. I'm about to go insane. So, I responded, hesitantly. Let's be honest. The internet is scary. I've never really set out to meet anyone online. {{Aside from that guy I dated in high school, but that was more like a fluke. What were the chances he would live in the area I had NO idea I was about to move to? }} Anywho. I waited a few days. I thought to myself, that was dumb, I shouldn't have bothered. AND THEN I GOT A REPLY. I'm not gonna lie. I was giddy at the possibility of actually getting along with this girl. We e-mailed back and forth some pretty lengthy emails for a few weeks before we decided to meet for dinner. It's safe to say that we've been Friday Night lady date pals ever since.{{{Insert pretty funny story in which I told my two BFFs to call the police if they didn't hear from me by 9pm and completely forgot my DND was on and didn't check in until closer to 10pm. No one could ever say I don't have caring or concerned friends. Only trouble is everyone is too far away to do much about it if I  I'd say we're from pretty opposite walks in life but we have the ability to talk for hours and completely lose track of time. It's such a relief to have someone to eat chips and salsa, talk about random stuff and just relax with. Bonus, she loves the beach so when Cowboy is sitting at the weekend horse shows sweating underneath that sexy hat of his, I'll have my butt in the sand, soaking up the sun, reading girly magazines and splish splashing in the ocean with a friend. Total opposite of last year. Though Katrina, you and I WILL hit the beach up more than twice if I have anything to say about it.