Thursday, February 2, 2012

She said 'I think I'll go to Boston...' Part 2

Let me start by saying, this is the 4th night in a row that I've gotten hives. My body reacts to stress in the most BIZ-AAR ways. {4 years of stomach issues ring a bell?}

My range of emotions is cycling. Rapidly. I started out Monday being very, very excited. By Tuesday night, I was in panic mode. By Wednesday, I wasn't sleeping.

I have tossed and turned the last 2 nights with these thoughts whirling in my head...

Am I making the right decision? It seemed too easy, what's the catch? Will I be as successful in this job as I am now? Will I adapt to the city? Will I have a difficult time driving in the city? Will I be able to find a place to park without going insane? Will I ruin my relationship by moving in? Will I be okay by myself when he's gone? Will I make new friends? Will I lose friends? Will I be able to get everything done that I need to do to move in 2 weeks? Will I pass the test? Where will I store my stuff that I can't take right now? What stuff? Gawd, I don't have anything, really {Insert feelings of failure here} We need pots and pans. And silverware. I need to ramp up my wardrobe. I need to do a change of address. I just did a change of address. I need to switch my license. I need to call to find out how to roll my 401K. Which medical plan should I pick? How much will benefits be? Will I find a new gym to join? I need to cancel my current membership. How will I find a new doctor? Dentist? Crap, I need to cancel my dentist appointment. And the list goes on...

Needless to say, it's been a long week. This was compounded with the fact he was on the road Sun-Wednesday...having the worst trip I've witnessed to date. I had limited opportunity to talk with him and when I did, it wasn't the right time to talk about the massive changes about to take place. I was unsettled. I was impatient. I was sad. It occurred to me that the girl who has been pretty self sufficient for most of her life, suddenly needed someone. We're talking really needed him. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed him to tell me I had made the right decision. I needed him to hold me while I cried. But he couldn't. I needed to be strong, at least for a few more days. My life, as I've known it thus far, is changing faster than I can keep up with. My roommate said something earlier this week that I keep trying to repeat when I feel overwhelmed. It is a lot of change, but it's doable. She's right. This isn't something I can't do. It isn't impossible. It is just really damn hard.    

oh. and to top it all off, I dropped my Iphone in the toilet today....

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